The Art of Forgiving and moving ahead

Forgiveness is not everybody's virtue...for it is the most difficult thing.. opening up your heart being the generous one...

That demands you to put a lot aside...to betray your own ego that u mistake to be ur self-esteem ...and value people more than the incidents...

I have always been a proponent of Forgive but don't forget... but i have to admit it is not applicable to all people or circumstances

 If only you could bring yourself to forgive people you would be free of the slowly simmering anger in you somewhere, the bitterness swelling inside you every now and then..not letting you be completely free and happy because every now and then you are filled with self pity of being treated incorrectly by someone somewhere...

We are all a target of this self pity....
What we forget is that these people who we are angry at are 

• Category 1 - People who were never important enough to be treasured in life, you should be thankful that they exposed their true colors and now you can move on without them.
• Category 2 - People we love, who have done enough goods that we can continue loving them despite the letdowns from them, and give them a second chance because they matter, because they cant be replaced, because if life takes them away from us forever we will always regret the time lost in antagonism.

Well, for category 1 do you even think you should waste your life being angry with them?? they are not worth your time and emotion...forgive them get them out of your system but learn the lesson they taught you..don't let yourself cry over the same mistake again....

Category 2 i needn't say more, don't turn your back on people who mattered, you never know when will life take them away from you and you won't be able to make it up ...never ever so get up now.

U are stopped because you fear that it will be awkward..because you fear that it will never be the same again... because you are told that threads once broken cannot be mended without a knot...but relationships aren't really feeble threads you got to give it a try maybe that knot will melt away...

So go get up now, call them, don't gulp the misery down your throat..even you may not get another chance....

Learn to interpret the thin line between your Ego and your Self-esteem.... differentiate between the ones who really matter and who u wish would matter and don't give up on....either Let-go move on or Turn around and hug them..

All the best :)

Signing off...

Indicators : A relationship that is not for keeps

So we all have that one special person who we want to spend our life with.

And now you are hopelessly in love with them , you guys are spending time together , you can hardly imagine there could be a partner more suitable for you.
Then , u have a quarrel and you are wondering it was such a fairy tale but why and what happened.

Well , for one every relationship no matter how perfect it seems from outside has a spell of downs but you don't always have to give up on them and also you don't always have to hang on to them.
However, you can actually pick up hints to figure out whether or not it is worth fighting for.

Indications of a fading relationship

1. Disrespect - No matter how many gifts he gets you , no matter how many hugs he gives no, no matter how many i love you's and i miss you's he says. If he doesn't think you are worth being respected for the person you are, your opinions , your likes , your dreams, then it won't last.Disrespect whether public or in private , in form of verbal of physical abuse should not be tolerated ( toleration of such behaviors is as good as encouragement to such behavior).  Insult made in public must b apologized for in public, he can't insult you in front of people and come and say sorry to you in private, that doesn't caress your reputation.
2. Lack of trust - Often being possessive is mistaken for love . It is obvious for him to feel a little jealous of your friends of opposite sex. However, he has got to trust you, he cannot claim to be in love with you yet be imagining that you are cheating on him with your friend / friends. Of course to make him feel better,maintain agreeable distance from them and include him in your circle. But he can't b moral policing you because he is incapable of trusting the person he loves. Naturally , if either partner is acting too secretive the other has the right to question but be fair in you judgments.
3. Over financial dependence - So you guys are going around, and you want to make all his dreams and wishes come true. But remember he claims to love you too and should almost wish the same for you. Instead of taking you for granted for your love and help. Any person with a self esteem will not use other persons money with dis-regard. You will be the best person to judge what level of dependence is over dependence but don't be fooled because you are in love.
4. Disregard to your family - Ok so once in a while you hate your mom because she may not understand you , you are upset with your dad because he wants you to do 'A' but you want to do 'B'. But no matter how much you crib about them, you love them, you don't want hear against them from others, then don't ever take it from him also. A good understanding companion will never advise you against them.
5. Don't have happy moments to share about your relationship - Being around someone you love makes you happy. Love is a kind of happiness you want to share, but now you feel sad and don't have good things to share about your relationship. If your relationship is making you unhappy acknowledge your feelings and move on.

(P.S. the he is just used for convenience of writing, it applies to she partners also)

The above indicators are my personal parameters for judging relationships you may agree or disagree with them. But if you are reading this article and identifying with it as a sufferer or you have been wondering in the past about the quality of your relationship, then i guess, its time you picked yourself up, and decided to move on if the above applies to your case.

Relationships that want to culminate into a happy marriage...marriages that want to run as happy....need to meet some basic requirements.

I don't say be intolerant of your partner but do be aware of 'drawing the line'.

Sometimes some bad things happen in heat of the moment they may be ignored, but don't turn a blind eye to the present because you are in love with the past.

All the best for making a Happy you and a Happy life :)

My handsome crush and my ugly feet

It is very fashionable for good-looking ladies to say how hard it is to be beautiful

I have never been very good looking or very fashionable either but i am not bad, a presentable personality pleasing i would say....my dimples have got something to do with that...

So like everybody else (i guess) i had a crush at my aerobics class and the most obvious guy had won my heart...any guesses ??? ...well it was the instructor 

The thing about being in love / having a crush is, every little gesture he does makes you feel he likes u too :) 

• he greets with a smile when you enter the class ( OMG he likes me too !!)
• he points out an exercise you do well (OMG he likes me too !!)
• he points out to someone else too (Oh, hes just covering up to not make appreciating me too obvious)
• he takes your name (OMG he likes me too!! he remembers my name... tho it might just be a class of 15 people n you have been there for 3 months)
• he smiles while you leave, OK guys c u tomorrow (OMG he likes me too !! even though ur the one who hasn't taken eyes off so obviously his eyes will meet yours at some point)

Anyway attending the class seemed to be the most exciting thing for me to do 3 days a week and recalling every little bit of the class, waiting to attend the class was the most exciting thing to do rest of the days.

Life is really happy when you love someone or so as u assume you do. 

Anyway back to my story, the batch was coming towards an end just 2 3 more days to go and then the classes were breaking for summer vacation for a nerve wrecking 1 dreadfully long month...
It was the last day of my class, we were all bidding each other good bye...everyone was going and talking to "him" but i somehow had never been able to approach anybody i had a crush on. mainly because i was out of topics to talk on.
Like what would i even ask him about ??? what are you doing for vacations :P where do you stay ..... what and why he wasn't like a friend or something...

So i was packing my bag rolling my mat....changing out of my aerobics shoes into my comfy chappals (slippers) . 

'Hey' and i turned around OMG OMG it was him ...i couldn't even take a deep breath and relieve the pressure of excitement in my heart.

'Hey' i replied as cool as i could sound, though i was pretty confident that i was good at keeping my emotions from going 'on display'
I continued "i was just about to come to you , you are a great instructor , your classes are super fun" (words just blabbed them self out of my mouth involuntarily, i wanted to drop my bag and run away so far to never return, i don't know why :P ) 

He said " Thanx , you are good at your work outs, you must continue , i am hoping to see you in the next session too , have a great vacation". Was i going to faint or what.

Anyway i pulled my self together, waiting to get home, to my room and look into the mirror and give myself the smile of a lifetime :D and jump into a yayayyyaaayyyyaaayyyyyy 

But i had things to do , i had to go to the post office, parcel a courier to my uncle, in the same building. 
The guys behind the office desk seemed to be in no hurry to go home, chatting away sipping tea and serving people so slowly, with no hint of embarrassment.
After a little spat with the courier guy over the extra charges i was done, feeling a little upset i entered the lift, lumped myself in my comfort spot - right hand corner of the lift  at the back when the lift opened, someone entered n i didn't bother to look up.

'Hey going home so late' 

And it was him , i froze in that slump posture and said 'ya had some work at the post office'

I tried to get my self busy into the mobile again, when i saw my ugly feet the nail polish coming off , different colours on both feet one toe nail painted a bright yellow with black dots (i wasn't going to forgive my sister for practicing nail art all her life), my fingers spread out like a small Chinese fan with all the weight on them (that's how bad they looked to me) and i stole a look at him, so that if he was busy i could pull my feet back, without making it apparent ...but he was staring down as well and for some reason i imagined that he had nothing better to do than stare at my ugly feet.

The three floors seemed like an eternity.

I was glad when the lift opened, he said a quick bye and left....and i hated my feet myself ...my sister and the whole world that moment....

The summers vacations passed by and i never rejoined the class....Oh no ! not because of the feet incident...but because i had got a job. Anyway i had gotten over that ugly feet incident long back and also 'him' for reasons unknown :)

Signing off

jumping the queue and stealing looks

After a drab and dreary week, you really look forward to the weekend. I start looking forward for my weekend a little earlier than the others - from Monday morning. 

Not that i do something great on the weekend, of course i imagine that i will not waste the day sleeping get up by 9, cook myself a good meal, get done with house cleaning by 12 and then watch a good movie, plan the evening with friends or maybe go swimming, play badminton and make the most of my weekend b active n so on n so forth...

But weekend comes and goes n i sleep late..stuff my self with bread butter n boiled egg while away time watching TV..call up friends and meet up at late evening and then end up chatting till wee hours to wake up to a Monday morning in half sleep..looking forward for the weekend again. 
its a vicious circle like visiting the dentist as per Ogden Nash in 'this is going to hurt just a little bit' (sounds like a Hindi serials name).

Okay anyway this Sunday night i gave up all my plans :P to sleep off early because, i had to get up early and be early in the queue (this wasnt fun though unlike as being a kid when being 1st in the queue used to be some kind of an achievement) not for a very good reason but to negotiate in reducing my fine with the emirates id authority.

I reach there at 6.45 am even though the office opens at 7 my token number is 25. Only one counter serving fine complaints. However, since i did not have to get to office until 9 so i assumed that i would b done by 8.30 am.
One hour passed the token machine did not budge from token number 1 , the guy seemed to be serving people without the token.
All of us waiting with tokens were grumbling about how unfair it is, impatience  was building up inside me, for the past 15 minutes i had been contemplating going up to the guy and asking him why is he not taking tokens as per assignment. (come on it wasn't just about raising my voice , that guy had the power to reduce my fine which was by no means less)

It took me full 30 mins to summon courage and be the voice of the people and question him.
I walked up to him praying that this act should not decrease my chances of having my fine reduced "Excuse me sir, this is my token number, i was told i will be served at counter 13 but its been over 1 hour and you haven't taken anyone yet" my heart was pounding but i was feeling proud of my self too when i saw a hint of worry n nervousness in his expression.
He said " mam, please take a seat you will be next" 

I sat down i his cubicle relieved that i wont have to inform office about getting late and be spared the embarrassment of sharing the fine levied.

But i was sinking in guilt too. I had come there to be the "voice", to tell the man to serve us according to our tokens and that too i was number 25, and here i am sheepishly enjoying the fact that i had jumped the queue. Next 10 mins it was my turn i did get a little relief on the fine i was to pay. I left the counter without turning to anyone but as i left i could imagine their cold eyes following me out of the door and maybe their hearts wishing that they had been the one to raise their voice.

You are paid for being courageous for yourself or on behalf of the others the results may not always be fair to every one but the fact that you gathered all your courage and made a move nonetheless leaves u feeling proud and confident..

Signing off...

First Mothers day as a mother

I have always been a gift person , not taking :P but a gift giving person.

I enjoy cracking my brain and coming up with creative gift ideas..trying to figure out what they could want , what i can gift that can b useful, what can be a lifetime memory, what is it i can make by myself...and i take great  delight when i see smiles flashing when i give away the thought n love i put into these gifts.

Mothers day has been one such occasion when all of my brain has always been put to use more than i would have used it to do an experiment right in the science lab all year :).

I loved giving my mother flowers , hand made cards , collecting every coin from here and there all year to be able to buy her a outfit (my mother loves clothes like every other lovely woman).

I still remember maybe 14 years back me and my brother collected 1800 rs and requested moms friend to buy her a nice dress 1800 was huge then and my brother and me saved all year for it.

but they say you can never give back a mother enough for what she has done for you.

This mothers day is different because it is also my first mothers day as a mother. 

Although i always knew the saying was true but now i know that i really can never give back my mother enough for what she has been to me.

I am overwhelmed imagining all that my mother must have gone through raising me up as i am learning to be a mother myself.

(and not to forget a special mention to pampers that weren't a popular option back then :P, her nights and days of changing nappies but thank god  for pampers :D ..however what a mother does for you cannot be listed ever its endless)

What i feel today i could have never felt it without holding my baby in my arms, but luckily enough i was born a woman and i have been able to realize even deeper value of my mother (A man can also feel lucky if he can understand what his mother has been to him seeing his wife raise his child)

...a mother is precious and what she does for you is priceless.

Standing in a mothers shoe i imagine what is it that i want as a gift from my baby, all i want is my baby's safety happiness success and a hug from my child.

So this mothers day i just gifted my mother words of gratitude.

I feel sorry for having hurt her...for fighting with her ...for bringing tears in her eyes... for crushing her heart every time i got hurt... for not making her understand things before i went ahead and did things she warned me against...for thinking that she did not love me enough... but i know i could only be so open to my mother because she is my mother...n most of all i want to thank her for having the big heart that god only blesses mothers with, for loving me with all her might.

This goes out to every mother who is spending sleepless nights doing n thinking about their children,to every mother who is living a little less to do the best for her child ,to every mother who is endlessly working without pay and without rest to run her family with comfort....i could go on but i cant because it will never end..and no one on this earth is stronger than a mother.

THANK YOU MOTHERS for being what you are AND Thank you god for providing them the strength.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to every Mom

Taste T

So here i am finally penning oops typing my thoughts down for my peace of mind...

You c sometimes the mind is running on and on and you want to pour it out to someone , but that someone may not be available that time or if available may not be in the right frame of mind to listen to you and understand you correctly. 

Not expressing yourself leaves you restless and expressing yourself to the wrong person at the wrong time flushes your feelings and ideas down the drain.

Nonetheless you want to say it out somewhere 

So as the saying goes (with little amends) "Books/Note-books/pads are man's best friend"

and here i am spilling the beans and saving them from getting crushed in vain.

Flattering myself ....awww im such a smart alec making such nice comments and amends B-)

Anyway however much i say i am just penning it all down for myself (which is very true) but i do want people to visit my blog and read it.

They have made the pattern of blogging so glamorous, all the stats of how many visitors,popularity graphs, comments etc etc that you obviously want those stats to b good and comments to b nice...the not so nice ones i can filter through moderation :D

So i am very glad that u decided to stop by and i hope that you find the name of the blog interesting.

I mean T spills beans ...get it ! T has leaves coffee has beans but because my name is T and i am spilling my thoughts in public so T-spills-beans (besides i love coffee and not T :P )

I put a lot thought into arriving at all the names titles and signatures related to this blog

like T leaves as in leaf also leaves since im done writing for the day :) .. ting tong ??!!  

nice huh !

Flavored T ... flavors of my mood sweet , tangy , sour , bitter , spicy , bland n etc n etc

well, i hope to express them all , just thoughts and observations from daily life real, imaginary,my own ,from others, good, bad, sad, funny whatever rings a bell in my mind.

If you are here reading till this point i want to thank you for tagging along and i hope you will be back to spend some more time with me ...

n if you haven't reached here still thank you (but there's no point since you'll never know i want to thank) not just because the graph will show an additional visitor :P but because even though for a split second but u were considerate enough to spare you precious time....

signing off....